How to be grateful?

Gratefulness is thankfulness; it is recognizing your blessings: the rising Sun, the flowing rivers, the abundant greenery dotted by lavender plants; all of these are a few blessings; notwithstanding the peeking moon behind the clouds (the bride that seldom shows her full-face!)

There is abundance everywhere; within you. So, how to be grateful?

1.       Become a diarist: Become a diarist for the sake of gratefulness. You can make it weekly, monthly or annually. Write about something you are grateful for. If you are grateful for flowers, write about their abundance, fragrance and hues; post some pictures online!

2.       Wrap a present: Are you very grateful to spouse? Are you grateful for the things he does for you? Make a present for them and wrap it even more beautifully, rather adorn it.

3.        Write a story: Do you love writing stories or telling them? Concoct a story for that person or with that person in it! A story can make them immortal!

4.       Send them a happy playlist: YouTube has made it extremely easy to share your playlists.

5.       Write a song: This one is my favorite: either write or sing a song for someone you love; they will love your thoughtfulness.

Surprise them, love them, respect them, show them.  Be grateful!

                                                                                                                     -Kriti Malhotra

                                                                                                                                                                     

Ashamed

Red lips, red nails, denim shorts;

The voices in her head, arrows shooting at her.

‘What did I do? What did I say?’ her thoughts.

‘I wish the past could be made blur!’

Long walks, long days, a beautiful flower;

She colors her days; she looks out of the window.

‘What is beautiful? Where does love empower?’

‘It is said that beauty is not just in the meadow!’

Pealing laughs, momentary smiles, fleeting exuberance;

She refuses to visit those memories; she agrees to look at now.

‘When will I do? When will I reach the better tense?’

‘Let those struggles take a bow!’

                                                                       -Kriti Malhotra

‘My Black-Colored Face’

In a country in which one’s sexuality determines the color of one’s face, Sweety Chaudhary (Sonam Kapoor) musters up the spirit to defy her family-imposed restrictions and gets her face colored black; only to an inspiring end. ‘All’s well that ends well’, after all! Ek Ladki Ko Dekha To Aisa Laga (EL) is a dramatic comedy that is colored with the various shades of contemporariness- sexual orientation, alternative professionalism, gender equality and  inter-religiosity to name a few.

Sweety, the girl with a frivolous name is supposed to be what her family expects of her: sweet, submissive and straight. Her sweetness embitters her own existence and isolates her socially until help knocks at her door in the form of a smitten Sahil Mirza (Rajkummar Rao). Sahil’s entry in Sweety’s life or the other way round propels the plot and the characters forward in a direction that ends well for both of them distinctly as well as collectively. There are other sub-plots that serve various functions: play a role in transforming the characters, provide a social commentary and entertain humorously.

The characterization of the movie is extremely impressive. The characters are alluring in themselves and the movie is made dynamic as they collaborate and conflict with one another due to their unique ideologies. Someone believes in bribery; someone believes that men should not cook; someone believes that a Hindu should not marry a Muslim; most of them believe that homosexuality is abnormal.

Balbir Choudhary (Anil Kapoor) deserves applause for his acting and persona. He is a considerably progressive man but this is tested when confronted with his daughter’s homosexuality. He says: “I didn’t expect this from you.” It traumatizes him but he transforms because of his own will only. In the present era in which a father’s role in the upbringing and life of the children is almost negligible, his persona showcases an important aspiration of the Indian society; the deeply-rooted desire of having an active and understanding father.

Interestingly, the title of the movie: Ek Ladki Ko Dekha To Aisa Laga (What I felt when I saw that girl) is multi-purposeful. Initially, it seems befitting for the love-struck Sahil; then, there is an ‘Ahaa!’ moment in which it seems befitting for Sweety’s love-story; eventually, it turns out to be a play within a play. It is noteworthy that the title has been extracted from a very popular Bollywood hindi song and had always been associated with heterosexuality; however, with this movie its implications in the Indian society are likely to change.  

The scenes have inexpensive settings. Some of the most serious scenes have been rendered comical through dialogues. For instance, when Sweety confesses her love for another woman to the drunk Sahil, he guffaws. The background music is timely and lively. The narration is driven ahead with the help of flashbacks and a bit of suspense.

Not only does the movie portray the plight and misery of the oppressed but also offer solutions for them in the form of answers to crucial questions that torment the people today such as: How should homosexuality be destigmatized? (They need to be accepted as ‘normal’ first by the family; in fact, a person who does the contrary should be rightly criminalized.); What should a writer write about to become successful? (In this regard, the movie re-ignites the role of a writer to empathize with the oppressed and use his or her craft to alleviate them; and that would make him successful.); What should be a priority: the individual or what the society opinionates about her? (The former.)

The only flaw in the movie is the abject artlessness of the dialogues and the plot! However, overall, it is a masterpiece. It is also a notable contribution to art as well as the society as a whole. The most valuable take-away from it is that it is acceptable and even desirable to have a black-colored face!

                                                                                              -Kriti Malhotra

Getting Lost

I want to get lost with you;

Beyond the speeding cars,

Beyond the town.

I want to get lost in you;

Forget the waxing wars,

Forget the ones in want.

For a moment,

I want to lose you:

You remind me of everything bright.

You seem to be everything right.

                                       -Kriti Malhotra

On Picking up My Favorite-Book

When I picked you up for the first time, I wondered what you were all about: what were those thoughts that remained hidden behind those pages, readily offering themselves to be read; how much labor and how many hours had gone into your making; how many schools of thought were imbibed in the pages; how many pictures were lurking behind those words…

While I read you, I became oblivious to the other world holding that piece of world, you. I came across novel ideas, words, thoughts and theories; each one more immersing than the previous one. I learnt and thanked the author and the world.

You always held a special place in my heart. I carried you wherever I could, but never got tired of you. I would abhor anyone who would ask for borrowing you.

Today when I picked you up once again, I smiled: such a wonder of the world are you. It seemed as if you had your own story to tell: “She was reading me when she was on the way to meet her crush; she would often carry me in her bags; she used the purple- and blue-colored pens while studying me…”

You and I share a relation that no one can fathom, perhaps, even visualize. So for you, who never refuses to teach, I thank the world.

                                                                                                                                        

                                                                                                                            -Kriti Malhotra

A Love-Poem

The rays of the Sun touch me;
When you are around, they love me.
The flowers spread their fragrance,
They enter my door and praise me.
The colors of the skies reach me;
When you are in my mind's eye,
When you are in my mind's eye;
All those colors embrace me.
Which color of the rainbow are you?
Gold, red, pink, lavender, all or blue?
You must know: "I love you"


                                                    -Kriti Malhotra

How can you love yourself?

Self-love is taking the responsibility for your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. It is about appreciating yourself for whatever you are; it is about being your own well-wisher; it is also about loving others if you are able to share that love; it about knowing what makes you happy. Most importantly, it is about knowing to take care of yourself. This self-love should be differentiated from extreme narcissism in which the person sees another person just as a tool. Self-love is not about respecting and loving yourself only but also respecting another individual and their personal boundaries.

Some of the ways in which you can love yourself are:-

Appreciate yourself: Whatever is the shape and size of your nose or the color of your hair, appreciate all that. Remind yourself of the bright aspects of you.

Work on your self-esteem: Develop your self-esteem by doing useful things such as enrolling yourself in a yoga class, taking up the classes of a course that you have been wishing to take, eating a healthy snack.

Try to stay positive: Look at the positive aspects of your life, laugh a lot and enjoy a walk in nature.

Positive self-talk: Say positive things to yourself while talking with yourself such as being patient with your mistakes and even use words of endearment.

Take out time for yourself and do little things for yourself.

Maintain healthy boundaries with toxic people.

Self-love is something that cannot be cultivated in a day. It is a continuous process and requires patience.

Take care!

:)

                                      - Kriti Malhotra

Writing reminds me of space

Writing begins when a child learns her first alphabets. When I think about writing, I become awed by the magnificent ability of human beings to write. In the beginning, writing was something that I could do and now, I have developed a deep understanding of writing, not to forget the excitement I feel when I am about to begin writing something because every piece that I write, takes to me a voyage to an unknown sea of unexplored thoughts and emotions. I look forward to see what and how the next piece of writing would turn out to be.

I have also become very close in my relationship with the art and science of writing. Writing is a dream for some, a way of flowing for some, a subject to study for some, a path to education for some, a passion for some, a way of connecting with God for some, health and healing for some, a means of earning for some and a discipline for some. For me, writing is all this and I hope that becomes more for me.

What is writing? Writing is all the energy around us: the words that people are saying, the emotions that we are experiencing, the thoughts that that go through our mind.

Writing enables a person to be creative. When you think about the words you can use and the way you can present something. I hope writing becomes a habit for everyone.

When does writing come to an end?

I cannot make you love me.

People have called me ‘amazing’; people have told me that I deserve someone better. The reality is that I have never been in a proper relationship. The reality is that I do not know that if I ever fall in love with someone, the other person will see how “amazing” I am and this is not about me. This does not mean that I am unlovable for many people fear that this is what it will mean. It is not necessary that my man (if ever I have a man), is exactly the way I imagine him to be. I am sure that the relationship would not be like a cooking recipe: add these ingredients, stir and the person is yours. He will have his own likes and dislikes and I will have to understand them the way he will have to understand mine. I have come across people who cry because they did something for the other person and the other person did not reciprocate the love. You cannot make another person love you. I cannot make you love me. I cannot make you love me the way I would expect you to love me because everyone loves differently.

“Because Words are Brighter than the Stars”

I wish to sprinkle this piece with glitter, stars and unicorn dust; I wish to remind you of dragonflies, butterflies and chirping birds; I wish to remind you of the light showers of rains, sunshine and dotted night-sky; Did you notice the magic? I do not believe that magic happens only when some potions are mixed in a cauldron; I do not believe that magic happens only when the magician says “Abracadabra”; I believe that magic happens when the child speaks her first words. Yes, the first time when she calls her mother ‘mom’ and it is enough to light her up unfathomably. Magic happens when we utter, understand, read or write a word. The mind makes out the letters, the word and then the sentence in a jiffy. Well! That’s magical!

Words are so powerful! They have the power to break or make someone; they have the power to heal someone and fill them with hope; they have the power to foster understanding between people; they have the power to unite (MeToo); they have the power to make love known; they have the power to sprinkle peals of laughter. Words can be brought together in a musical song.

Words are as beautiful as the word beautiful! Together words and words make up a beautiful piece of writing. You have a beautiful name that imparts your identity. There is a word for all the beautiful things in the world: earth, waterfalls, orbs, galaxies, you…

So exchange words just like you exchange glances; utter words just as naturally as you breathe; feel the sense of the words rippling through you and notice the magic happen all around.

                                                                                                                      -Kriti Malhotra

Will Areena Forget?

Areena returned home from her dance class. She rushed to her room and looked at herself in the mirror. She pulled her black hair back, extended her right leg backwards and smiled at herself; she then took off her jacket and observed her body-shape. Looking at her slim frame, she smiled again. She walked downstairs for dinner singing to herself.

The lamp was switched on oozing out honey-like light. Areena stopped and bent down to smell the roses she had bought the other day and inhaled the smell. Still sweet! She set the table and sat on the brown chair to eat her food. Her father came and sat in front of her. She continued to eat.

“Where is the chappati?” Mr. Patel shouted.

“It’s here, it’s here” said Areena’s mother putting a chappati on his plate.

“Where is the vegetable that I had asked you to make?” Mr. Patel shouted again.

“How dare you speak to my mother like that?” said Areena.

“Will you teach me how to speak to my wife?”

“Papa if you expect other people to respect you then you must respect others too,” said Areena.

“Don’t respect me; who is asking you to respect me? Rina ask this girl to shut up or I will in my way,” said Mr. Patel.

Areena stood up and shouted: “I do not mind; you can do whatever you like to do. Come on, hit me; hit me.”

Mr. Patel stood up and was about to hit Areena when Mrs. Patel came out of the kitchen and stood in-between them.

“Mamma, let him hit me. Hit me, hit me, hit me.”

Mr. Patel pushed Mrs. Patel and slapped Areena on her cheek.

Areena looked at him and screamed out aloud.

“Ha! You scream like that and nobody will ever love you.”

Areena ran to her room and closed the door. She cried for sometime after which she picked up a book to complete her homework. As soon as she opened it, she threw it away. Nobody will love me! Nobody will love me! She lay on the cold floor behind the closed door and went off to sleep there.

“Areena wake up! Wake up sweetheart”, the  voice of a man fell on Areena’s ears.

“Nobody will love me! Nobody will love me!” she cried loudly.

“But I will Areena; I will always love you even when you are angry; when you are depressed; when you are at your lowest; I will always love you,” said Riyan and held her in his arms.

“Please tell me that you will never hit me.”

“Why would I hit you? Did you dream of your father again?”

Areena nodded her head and Riyan kissed her on her forehead.

                                                                                                                         -Kriti Malhotra

Why do I read?

My relationship with reading had begun with the fairy-tales. I clearly remember reading the abridged versions of 'Cinderella' and 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs'. At that time, however, reading was meaningless for me; as meaningless as life was for me. My first real relationship with reading began when one of my aunts gifted me a book called 'The Famous Five' by Enid Blyton. It was my first novel of adventure and realism. I started frequenting the book-store as a result. I must admit that since then, the journey has not been without its periods of droughts.

For me, reading is as good as a therapy; it calms me down when my mind is going helter-skelter and makes me feel fulfilled. However cliched and naive as it may sound, books have been sort of my friends. They have given m company when I have been physically sick or emotionally perturbed. Sometimes, when I am able to do nothing, I pick up a book!

Reading helps me to explore alternative points of view; to understand them and therefore, be able to visualize the vast spectrum of human thoughts and emotions.

Reading makes my world a bit interesting. Every book has something different in it. Many writers chose to document their own experiences through writing. These experiences reflect the complexities of life; how human beings have stood strong in difficult situations and the different paths that they have walked on to make their lives work. Not only does this make books interesting but also inspiring.

Often, reading helps me escape into another world in which I forget about my troubles and enter a dream-like state. Some of the reading is done viscerally. In this context, reading has an escapist function for the readers.

Reading is also an achievement. The number of books read and the number of pages read in a day often gives me a sense of satisfaction.

Reading has helped me expand my mind, become more sympathetic to the under-privileged and the oppressed, helped me appreciate life and the people in it more and of course, acted as a good friend.

                                                                                                                   -Kriti Malhotra

Nina and Rina are Best Friends

It was the first day of the college. Nina looked around at the classroom with contempt. Some of the students were jeering at one another and some were mocking at the teacher. I scorn at people who engage in such behaviour. Teasing one another or poking fun at one another is alright but mocking?

She sat next to a quiet girl.

“Hi, my name is Nina. Yours?”

“Rina”

They say together everyday.

Soon, Nina made other friends in the college. However, she told Rina: “You are my best friend, Rina.”

Rina invited her to her house and showed her the squibs she had written against the various problems of the society. She even told her about her interest in multimedia and the spoof that she had uploaded on YouMake (a website for uploading videos). It had one lakh views. How impressive!

One day while they were looking for a place to sit in the class, someone sneered: “Lesbians; you both are lesbians!”

Nina felt humiliated but Rina told her: “You should not pay attention to such pillories.”

In the next few days, Nina and Rina were taunted, ridiculed and made sport of but nothing could break their strong friendship.

                                                                                                                        -Kriti Malhotra

Everywhere and Everything

When I smell the scent of a flower,
I want your face to appear out of nowhere;
When I climb a tall tower,
I want to see you waiting there out of care.

When I have succumbed to darkness,
I want to see you hold the light;
When I am losing myself in happiness,
I want you to relish that height.

When I am feeling loveless,
I want you to tell me: "You're a Goddess."

                                                                     -Kriti Malhotra

Why should most love songs be thrown into space?

Many people love listening to love songs. They enjoy the gush of memories and the overflow of feelings that visit them when their favorite love song plays. However, if one does away with the stirring music and the seemingly beautiful lyrics, one will find that these songs defy the definition of true love.

“Main hoon hero tera” by Salman Khan is a love-song in which a male tells a female that he is her hero. A hero is someone who rescues the lady, protects her and even leads her. It is similar to the knight in the shining armor. This is extremely sexist. Why should a woman not be able to do the three functions by herself? Is true love only about rescuing, protecting and leading the lady?

In a song called “Hello” by Adele, she apologizes to her ex-lover. The lover, however, does not respond. It is an extremely melancholic song in sepia. Adele is not able to reconcile with the fact that the relationship has not worked out due to xyz reason and it is only full of regrets. Who ever said that regretting is a good thing? Who ever said that one should sing songs on regrets?

 “Maula Mere Maula” by Anwar is a song in which the singer is going gaga over the appearance of the girl who has smitten him. He talks about her eyes and her hair. Whosoever wrote the song has given a definite boost to the cosmetic industry! Looks matter, you see!

I hope that the aliens come on Earth with their own love-songs because the love-songs here are going to leave them aghast. I also hope that somebody throws all the tapes and records of these songs into the space where no one will ever be able to find them. If they are thrown on the Earth, one will have to manage them, so throw them into the space!

                                                                                                                                     -Kriti Malhotra

How to Increase your Self-confidence?

    One of the most important aspects of your personality is your self-confidence. It determines your behavior in the social, personal and professional fields. It makes you happy and an optimist even; it is the immunity cells of your body that prevents you from being eaten up by tough times; it belongs to you completely.
    As you swim from the deep and dark waters of diffidence to the surface and light waters of confidence, you may lose your way. The journey is slow but the change is irreversible. Here are some ways to help you in your journey:

1. Try something different: The moment you try something you have never tried before, "I can't" becomes "I can." Thus, you will realize that you can do a lot more than you thought you could. Your confidence and trust in your abilities will increase. This can also be called stepping out of your comfort zone.

2. Do what scares you!: It is rightfully believed that the maximum growth happens when you do what you are afraid of. Trying to do something that you are afraid of can be challenging for the first time with the mental barriers. However, once overcome, you will realize that the fear was a mirage; you believed in a mirage.

3. Keep a diary: Keep a diary on your bedstead or under your pillow and before sleeping write down two things that are good about you. Do this for at least ten days and notice the magical change in you!

4. Talk about them: If you have accomplished something, talk about it to people. It is a good thing to feel proud of yourself. However, there is a fine line that separated talking confidently and boasting; between self-pride and arrogance!

5. The right people: In life, it is absolutely essential to be around people who appreciate the good in you and accept you (flaws and all) ; people who encourage you to become a better person.

Your journey will not be without the lows when you feel that you are falling off a trench. However, keep trying because self-confidence is a precious, good thing!

                                                                                                                 -Kriti Malhotra
    

Shall we replace 'wedding' with the word 'consumerism'?

In India, weddings have always required the host to spend a huge amount of money. There are various reasons for this: it is considered to be the most important day in the life of their child; "what will the society think?"; "this is how it is done;" prestige?

However, the change has been enormous and drastic in the past few years. Earlier, the entire family huddled in one house like a litter of puppies and today they occupy hotel rooms individually. Consequently, the time spent with the extended family members is counted. Relatives are now accustomed to huge spaces with a lot of decoration and a vast variety of food. A lot of this food gets wasted. 

Perhaps, the Indians are missing a piece from the puzzle. They believe that they have all the pieces of the puzzle in place but they are missing a huge piece. What is that? Why are weddings becoming more and more elaborate?

The fashion industry knows that the people are willing to spend a lot of money on the wedding clothes. Lehengas, suits and sarees! Women have a weakness for such beautifully made garments. It is a good thing to adorn yourself beautifully. However, one should be aware of the splurging. If one of the ladies of the group splurges, the other women get an inferiority complex and wish to splurge too. According their theory, their looking good is directly proportional to the cost of the garment. Is there not an excess of emphasis on external appearances? 

This leads me to make-up. Fair is beautiful and make up should change the way one looks. The money spent on make-up has increased sharply. I wonder whether it is because women are insecure about their appearances or they are just too fond of make-up! Is media not  to be blamed for making women dissatisfied with their bodies? They earn greatly in this process.

Blah!Blah! Blah! They same goes for the wedding cards, jewellery and one should not miss the wedding planners. First, people make weddings an astronomical task and then they spend more to reduce the burden of the task.

The name 'wedding' should be replaced by the phrase 'sky-high consumerism day'!

                                                                                                                      -Kriti Malhotra

Chanel N°5

The word ‘meraki’ is a Greek word which means to put ‘something of yourself’ (1) into what you are doing. For cert, Gabrielle Coco Chanel put a fragrance of her soul into the scent. Consequently, Chanel N°5 became the world’s most famous fragrance.

The fragrance was designed in 1920 by a Russian French perfumer Ernest Beaux. He had asked Chanel’s suggestion for naming the fragrance. She replied: “I always launch my collection on the fifth day of the fifth months, so the number 5 seems to bring me luck--therefore, I will name it N°5.”(2)

It is a combination of different fragrances that form a very subtle concoction. As you breathe it in, its notes change. The ingredients include jasmine, iris, sandalwood and rose. There is a hint of these and other ingredients that combine to form this elixir.

The case has Coco Chanel’s signature colors: black and golden. It is squarish-rectangular bottle. There is a golden band where the cap and the bottle meet. The top of the bottle is embellished with the interlocking CC symbol. All this is enveloped in a slight shine.

The fragrance was used by Marilyn Monroe. It is said that she would wear it in the night. On April, 1952, she was asked “what do you wear to bed?” Her answer was Chanel N°5 “because it’s the...truth”. (3)

This fragrance reminds me of Chanel, the woman who revolutionized the world of women’s fashion and  the woman who said: “The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.” She was truly a gift to this world who shared with this world her gift, her meraki: Chanel N°5.

                                                                                                                              -Kriti Malhotra

References:

(1) http://darlingmagazine.org/in-other-words-meraki/

(2) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ernest_Beaux

(3) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo8UtWiYiZI

Celebrating Hindi

After going through a lot of struggle, the language ‘Hindi’ written in Devanagiri script managed to be  an official language of the country, India, in 1950. It is one of the most widely spoken languages of the country. Hindi consists of a lot of words of other languages such as Punjabi, Urdu and Sanskrit. The word ‘Hindi’ is actually the Urdu form of the word ‘Hind’ which means India according to Google. Even the name hindi signifies it’s inter-linguistic nature!

A lot of literature such as stories, poems, newspapers and movies have been written in this language. Some plays such Aadhe-Adhure have been translated to other languages such as English (Halfway House). There are specialized language courses both at the level of school and higher education.

Often, hindi words are absorbed in other languages. For instance, the song ‘Jai Ho’ by A.R. Rahman became so popular that the term ‘Jai Ho’ became a part of the Oxford English Dictionary. In the recent years, the mix of hindi and English language has developed and is called Hinglish.

Unfortunately, because of the connection that English has with the so-called ‘elite class’, hindi is considered to be an inferior language most of the time. Every language is spoken by some or the other person; is a medium of expression and communication and hence, cannot be really looked down upon.

With the rapid globalization, hindi is a language that has been taken to foreign lands. Often, Bollywood movies that are in hindi are translated for viewership of foreign countries. Bollywood hindi songs such as ‘Mera Joota hain Japani’ have been very popular among the Russians.

Hindi is the mother-tongue of many Indians and seems to be dying away because of the importance given to languages such as Spanish, French, German and English. What will happen to the language ultimately? Will there be further expansion of the language that will include words of the other foreign languages like Japanese can only be revealed with time.

                                                                                                                                                                               -Kriti Malhotra

                                                     

A Drive Through Madness

What happens to a bird that has been nestled and nurtured, who finally gets noticed?

This is the greatest story of my life. I, Reily Cameron, make a confession to never to fall in love again.

It all started from a party in the month of October, a mere party with music and the dense night. Had there not been an exchange of glances, had there not been an exchange of promises, had there not been a moment of notice, I would have been a freer bird.

As an aftermath of that party, Ander Cruise and I become the greatest friends or maybe something more than that. We talked over the phone for long hours, we debated, we fought over trivial issues, he revenged the hurts that I would inflict on him and it never could be the same.

I would wake up during the nights thinking about him, I would not eat anything, I kept growing weaker and weaker and yes, he was all over me: the breath that I would breathe.

Nothing lasts forever, does it?

Ander was going to another country the next year in September and I was to stay back in the same country though in a different city. We knew that we would be separated one or the other day but we were too immature to handle ourselves.

There was Skype, there were unbelievably high telephone bills, there were low grades, there were struggles for independence, there were struggles for freedom but nothing could work on us. We were still we.

It was the month of December: a cold December until my warmth returned .I was a dither and anticipative. I remember how I jumped at the telephone: once, twice many times just to check whether he had returned or not. He was there. I heard him.

‘Hi’, said I, confident on the face yet anxious underneath.

‘Hi’

‘Are you feeling well? You must be feeling so strange. I remember when I had returned from Darjeeling to my city: it was a drastic change. Everything seemed smaller than what I had been used to for a while. Is that how you are feeling? Ander? Why are you so quiet?’

‘I feel strange.’

‘I know: you will take some time.’

We decided to meet in the evening, an evening that I can never forget. It was dusk. I went outside the lane and stood there waiting for him to arrive. I kept getting more and more restless as there was nobody around. He finally came in his grey car.

‘Hi’, I looked at him.

He extended his hand towards me in a hand-shake and I took it. He was still the same: I was relieved. His face looked the same, a tanned complexion with dark and penetrating eyes, dark hair falling over his forehead and then his hands; they were still large and accommodating and his self was still angry yet beautiful.

We went for a short drive because he had commitments back his home.

We were the most disciplined that day. We were formal and kept a lot of distance from each other.

The next day we went for a longer drive in the evening. We went to the countryside from the city for some time in silence and with each other. There was a long clean road, stretching up to the horizon; there were long stretches of green fields with trees on either sides and then there was a little lake. The Sun shone on its surface and made it alive with exuberance. I was with him, he was with me. We decided to stop and sit by the lake side.

We sat next to each other, close to each other. Passers-by noticed us but we kept sitting there in silence.

‘Do you want me to click your picture?’

‘Okay’

We clicked our pictures: together, separately, together with the sunshine and as it started getting darker we drove away.

On the way as we kept talking about our whereabouts, he said,

‘Hey, are we in a relationship?’

‘Of course we are. We fight, we pretend, we pretend but deep down we are always in a relationship.’

He took my hand in his. They were warm and comfortable. He seemed to get uneasy. His eyes were lustrous. He was unsure about whatever he was doing. He kept saying that he was not feeling well. He stopped the on the roadside.

I was confused. I think I saw him shivering. He held my hand, he held my face and kissed on my cheek gently, he put his head down on my lap: I started caressing his face; he took my hand to his lips and then my palms and then my hand again and kissed me there too. I kept asking him if he was fine. He was not able to articulate much; I was confused.

He resumed driving. We reached my home.

‘Ander, I am leaving now. Tell me what is wrong with you? ,’ I said about to open the door of the car.

He took my waist in his hands and started kissing me on my lips. I was taken aback and jerked back but soon, I was kissing him as well. We kept kissing each other as long as we could.

I took his precious face in both my hands and kissed him again and again.

It was peaceful, safe and comfortable.

My phone rang up and I had to go.

I did not know what to think when I was out of the car. I was smiling, my face was flushed and I was smiling again. I felt like a little criminal yet I was happy.

We met everyday regularly after that once. We would only kiss, snuggle and hug each other. I had fallen into him; I had fallen into love.

We kissed goodbye to each other on the last day we had met. I flew back to Darjeeling. When we talked over the phone now, he seemed very distant to me. We had not talked to each other much in the next few days until I got a call from him just to tell me: ‘Reily, I cannot come to meet you at Darjeeling’.

After the light, had come the dark. The last day on which we met was the day when his family confessed their disapproval of our relationship to him in private: ‘It will not be able to last longer’, had said his mother to him.

Who is next from the nest?