Clothes are to be Loved

I have been accused of having too many clothes!  My answer: I have had an innate love for clothes since childhood (maybe since birth; mom would know!) When I was still a child, I would put on my new clothes the moment they were out of the packet. Hell would break loose in the house as I would decide what to wear. My entire wardrobe would be sprawling on the floor in the room till I would choose the most befitting one. Along with that, would be the worry of having matching accessories, hairstyle and oh! shoes.  My wardrobe would be my most well-kept thing. My friends would look at it during get-togethers.

Be assured, the passion still remains except that it has been replaced by compassion. It hurts me to watch my clothes kept in an untidy way or thrown somewhere. Unless, I gift some clothes to someone, they’re my possessions. However, the frenzy of childhood has mellowed down. I have become quicker (perhaps more efficient) in choosing an attire for an occasion. 

I may be considered to be a materialist by some. In my defense, I can only say that I value how much thought and effort (somebody’s passion) is involved in making a piece of clothing. Each piece of clothing represents some ideals, some creativity and gallons of love. Therefore, though they may fall under the category of inanimate things, I treat them with a lot of love. Why not? They help me represent my personality! Believe me, I have tried to shirk off from them but it has never really worked. Besides, there are other benefits of having too many clothes such as availability of clothes for all kinds of occasions, fun while taking pictures and a lack of worry thereof.

Thank you to all the people and legacies who have helped me build my wardrobe!

P.S. A special note of gratitude to Coco Chanel for changing the face of western fashion world for women.

“You don’t deserve me”

                                                           

Let me start from the start. Recently, I turned down the proposal of a man (I wonder if he ‘deserves’ to be called one!) He sent me long messages berating me and telling me that I did not deserve someone like him. Perhaps, it was his way of taking revenge for his hurt; his defense mechanism to console himself. Later, I was standing under the shower (which is a good place) and had a stream of thoughts.

We often tell our friends: “You deserve someone better;” we often tell ourselves: “I do not deserve this.” There are quotes scribbled everywhere that tell us : “You deserve so much more” and the most ground-shaking one: “You only get what you think you deserve.” (It seems a cop is standing at my head and glaring at me).In the book, Only Love is Real  by Dr.Brain Weiss, the author points out how we deserve all the blessings that we have.  We have a strange sense of entitlement. In fact, the society is entrenched with this sense of entitlement. My remuneration ended there.

So, why do we think we deserve anything or anybody at all?

I will be considering this question in two areas predominantly.

Many people reject other people without even knowing them. Sometimes, it is due to a superiority complex and sometimes because the person is “out of my league.” How can we say, especially, at the end of the relationship that we deserve a better friend or partner? This does not work because:

 We have certain opinions about ourselves and form opinions about others. The judgments about the other person are completely subjective. It all depends on the environment we have been in and the experiences that we have had. For instance, my normal stress level might be ‘too stressful’ according to you. It is a possibility that there was a friction in the relationship or the ideals did not match or we disapprove of someone’s behavior but we cannot deserve someone better just because we are two different people who have different aims, different priorities and a different worldview.  

People change over time. People are continuously growing and learning different ways of thinking and behaving.  We can choose to bid goodbye to a relationship due to some reasons but not because we deserve someone better.

And now the second portion:

We often think that we deserve more than what we have. We deserve what the other person has. Maybe we do not really deserve what the other person does not have. Maybe it is time that we start thanking life for whatever we do have because many people do not even have that. Did you deserve to be blessed with mental alacrity? Did that person deserve to be born to a humble household?

The idea of ‘deserving’ something or someone is just one of the bubbles we have created around ourselves. If we learn to burst the bubble, we might be able to see clearly what we really are bestowed with and why we are not entitled to anything or anyone at all.

 I certainly cannot decide whether that man ‘deserves’ to be called a ‘man’ at all.

                                                                                                                                                              -Kriti Malhotra