Let me start from the start. Recently, I turned down the
proposal of a man (I wonder if he ‘deserves’ to be called one!) He sent me long
messages berating me and telling me that I did not deserve someone like him. Perhaps,
it was his way of taking revenge for his hurt; his defense mechanism to console
himself. Later, I was standing under the shower (which is a good place) and had
a stream of thoughts.
We often tell our friends: “You deserve someone better;” we
often tell ourselves: “I do not deserve this.” There are quotes scribbled
everywhere that tell us : “You deserve so much more” and the most
ground-shaking one: “You only get what you think you deserve.” (It seems a cop
is standing at my head and glaring at me).In the book, Only Love is Real
by Dr.Brain Weiss, the author points out
how we deserve all the blessings that we have. We have a strange sense of entitlement. In
fact, the society is entrenched with this sense of entitlement. My remuneration
ended there.
So, why do we think we deserve anything or anybody at all?
I will be considering this question in two areas
predominantly.
Many people reject other people without even knowing them.
Sometimes, it is due to a superiority complex and sometimes because the person
is “out of my league.” How can we say, especially, at the end of the
relationship that we deserve a better friend or partner? This does not work
because:
We have certain
opinions about ourselves and form opinions about others. The judgments about
the other person are completely subjective. It all depends on the environment
we have been in and the experiences that we have had. For instance, my normal
stress level might be ‘too stressful’ according to you. It is a possibility
that there was a friction in the relationship or the ideals did not match or we
disapprove of someone’s behavior but we cannot deserve someone better just
because we are two different people who have different aims, different
priorities and a different worldview.
People change over time. People are continuously growing and
learning different ways of thinking and behaving. We can choose to bid goodbye to a
relationship due to some reasons but not because we deserve someone better.
And now the second portion:
We often think that we deserve more than what we have. We
deserve what the other person has. Maybe we do not really deserve what the
other person does not have. Maybe it is time that we start thanking life for
whatever we do have because many people do not even have that. Did you deserve
to be blessed with mental alacrity? Did that person deserve to be born to a
humble household?
The idea of ‘deserving’ something or someone is just one of
the bubbles we have created around ourselves. If we learn to burst the bubble,
we might be able to see clearly what we really are bestowed with and why we are
not entitled to anything or anyone at all.
I certainly cannot
decide whether that man ‘deserves’ to be called a ‘man’ at all.
-Kriti Malhotra
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